Just Tie a Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the….
My Muse and I live a continent apart and life conspires to keep us apart more than either of us would like. The extended time and distance between us can offer challenges to maintaining an air of Dominance and submission on a day-to-day basis, especially with the pressures of family, job, education and other commitments that must be accommodated and balanced. Many of the tools of D/s that work so well in person such as a look, a gesture, a tone, or a verbal command simply are not available to us on a daily basis. When a submissive cannot literally and figuratively kneel in person it falls to the Dominant to find new and creative ways to keep submission present in daily life. I readily admit that I can fall short in this arena.
When a submissive does not feel that they are being of value to their Dominant, or not being sufficiently of service, they feel cast adrift. A melancholy loneliness, or even uncertainty about their place in the relationship sets in. The old saying that a submissive needs to feel wanted and a Dominant wants to feel needed comes to mind. When life, time, and distance conspire to overtake the fulfillment of these wants and needs things can start to drift or even decay in the relationship. A feeling of emptiness and uselessness creeps in and that can lead to no good in a D/s relationship.
There are many little strategies for keeping interest and awareness alive in the heart and mind of a submissive in a long-distance relationship. I have previously written about daily devotion pictures, daily approval of the choice of undergarments, requirements for periodic videos and little challenges issued here and there. Occasionally dropping “suggestions” such as not wearing panties on a given day, running a particular errand, cooking a certain meal, or engaging in a certain activity that pleases the Dominant are the norm. There are often ongoing expectations that may be a part of a protocol between Dom and sub such as standards of personal hygiene and dress, maintenance of the cleanliness of vehicles or personal space, expectations for exercise or other health-related matters. Now and then it is always fun to suggest that a submissive drop what they are doing, retreat to the nearest bathroom and edge or pleasure themselves (with appropriate visual documentation of course…aren’t smart phones wonderful?). Dice or the minting dates on coins are convenient sources for determining the number of times a pussy might be patted/spanked versus a clit being rubbed in repeated succession and for how long, or whether one might be permitted to cum or not. Oh the games people play! There is no end to the imagination that can be employed if we make the effort to use it.
But sometimes little challenges just are not appropriate due to the company or circumstances. Sometimes these little games can grow tiresome or even repetitive. Sometimes a submissive just wants to be held and reminded of the strength and protection they have given themselves over to and so long to feel; nothing particularly sexualized or kinky, just a reminder of their devotion and submission.
My Muse wears a “day collar” every day when we are not together and her real collar cannot be worn. This day collar, which is really just a necklace and pendant that I chose for her, speaks to no one else but us. It is a present reminder of our relationship and the collar she wears for me. But even such totems, worn every day without fail, can become second nature and not something that is thought about throughout the day. In times of need, other means must be derived to heighten awareness when it feels as though the D/s bond between us might be slipping.
One of my favorite such means is a simple bow tied around a nipple. This is not meant to be either a sexual stimulant or painful. Indeed, a soft string or piece of yarn tied fairly loosely so as not to cut off circulation or cause discomfort can be fairly readily forgotten throughout the day. As a nipple goes soft under a bra the fear becomes having the bow slip off, as opposed to inadvertently turning a nipple purple. But even this forces periodic checking by the submissive to be sure all is still in order, a regular and continuing reminder of why the bow is there and who it represents.
Of course, just as the strength of a Dominant’s will over a submissive can ebb and flow, so too can the pressure of the bow. Say for example that a submissive becomes negligent in their duties, willful, or otherwise departs from desired norms. The bow can always be tightened for a time as a more clear and present reminder of the presence and will of the Dominant and the role and place of the submissive. This can be done even in the company of family or professional associates because it is unobtrusive and undetectable under normal outer garments. A quick trip to the powder room or behind a closed door is all that is required to increase the pressure and thus presence and awareness of the Dominant’s hand or will. Naturally, one must not leave this for too long as circulation must never be cut off for prolonged periods. But the point will get across I assure you. It is after all more of a mental exercise than physical reminder.
There are other similar strategies for maintaining presence and awareness as limitless as the imagination. Decorative plugs, ben-wa balls, or even a simple glass marble tucked between nether lips as panties are donned for the day are simple reminders of ownership and devotion. And they need not involve sexual organs either. A string around a finger, hair worn a certain way, a particular shade of nail polish or lipstick, or a particular item of clothing. Any simple command that exerts the will of the Dominant and sparks the devotion and obedience of the submissive is all that is required to send subtle but ongoing affirmations of the place each occupies in their D/s relationship.
The hard part is consistency, especially in a long-distance relationship. It is so easy to fall into ruts; so simple to let the pressures of the day overtake what is most important in life, so tempting to fall back on the loving and caring nature of the relationship at the loss of the Dominance and submission that might have brought you together in the first place. A D/s relationship can subtly slip into being a pretty vanilla one without constant care and feeding, thought and creativity, and effort. Above all, effort.
So I am writing this post not solely for the benefit of others but as a reminder to myself that it is my responsibility to keep the spark alive in my own D/s relationship. Love, trust and devotion have always been the watch words of my relationship with my Muse and they continue to be. But sometimes the balance gets lost. Sometimes I feel more loving and caring and less dominant and commanding. Yes, while many will not admit it, Dominants sometimes just want to be held and cared for too. Sometimes, love is indeed enough. But not at the expense of the devotion that is so much a part of our relationship inherent in my Dominance and her submission.
So today I am rededicating myself to making the effort not only to love and cherish my Muse but also retain that spark we both love so much that stems from our respective roles of Dominant and submissive.
May you find the same.
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2014
Image Credit Unknown